11/27/13

Stella Funesta


In the year 169BC Stella set up the hottest bordello on the Appian Way; I'll never forget my first visit to her Tuscany hideaway. "After three hundred years," she said. "Just get in here, shut up and fuck me as hard as you can." She always did like poetry.
The chick was double-jointed.
I've got a heart too and it's been broken for three thousand years. Stella told me how she would lock her cousin Artemis in the bathroom when she showed up for music lessons. Her biggest laugh was throwing the bows into the trees outside. She found her way down here before and she could do it again.
She was trying to get over Achilles and some Troy business.
Stella could steer her own warship through rough water all the while causing a Sirius reddish appearance in the men aboard if you know what I mean. See what she did with that guy Pliny?
He was never the same afterwards.
The last time we met I was dreaming about the sea when a FRENZY from a "disturbance" on Circle Three roused me. I was up to my crotch in Sullen and really needed a few laughs - My use for philosophers; Hurried upstairs only to find the place flooding with booze from Two. I don't let the Gluttons below drink; Worse, Two is stirring with Lovers who can't follow Orders.
The sky was trying to consume the Holy Water.
That lovely witch was sitting in the middle of the yard giving everybody a serenade, strumming on her banjo and singing sweet songs to the stars. She was the only person who could drink me under the table; Sometime after she took off for Herodias' palace. 
She knows there's plenty of wardrobe malfunctions with me.
Wherefore I forget you? ... Fear not, beloved. Last I heard she had a villa by the Med with Mary Magdalene and some mortal named Nancy. Oh, well, back to the Revisionist History.

7/1/13

Watch the Bird!

Say you want to start a nation right in the middle of a desert with nothing but sand and scorpions for hundreds of miles. You need to pick an infallible ruler; Have a contest.
 
You think American Idol is original?
If you're working with a limited contestant pool (His problem!) the number of choices has to be reduced. You have a water hole everyone wants (yum-yum) and a couple of slabs with graffiti written on them.
The Challenged King.
Of course believing a loser/jerk will win rock-paper-scissors doesn't help; I think they would have been better off with the big guy. Have you read the Psalms? (Look in the black book in the drawer, knucklehead.); He published all the kid's songs. What about mine!!

The Founder of the State of Israel thinks he's a poet?!?
How would you feel if Justin Bieber was President and wrote the United States Constitution?

5/30/13

Mother Always Wanted

Your real Job Creator offers appropriate vocations for all who reside in my kingdom!; This is courtesy of our Division of Labor.
 For Real Men+

 (+An Eternity of Service.)

For Active Women*

 (*They want to do more than hang around, look sexy and do the dishes.)

5/15/13

eXeXeX Libris Beach

Maybe some vacation fun is in your future; We offer many "inclusions" at our resort.

Why are there no shoes in this summer scene? Because nobody's going anywhere!

5/9/13

Hellen Arts

Here is your vocational future; Does this look right for you? As I've mentioned, the benefits are great and all you have to do is think you're good.

You can do this!!!

3/17/13

Pat's Best Card

So sorry- Could not resist this total lift from Roland Topor (won't be missed)...

Happy St. Patrick's Day
Damn! This would have made the rats very hungry.

3/13/13

Lots of Help

Hey, I wish I could "resign" then I could "retire" some place cool and.....HA!!!! Who wants to see a guy with red horns and a three-foot long sex in the steam room?? No use asking Him; I tried that once before and it didn't turn out good. I'll have a Lot more to say about Benedict later.
Our First Lesson comes from the Old Testament, which makes it better. Protesters are the worst thing that can happen to an infallible God/King. Watch out for those flying boogers! I'm always ready to help; This is a before/after situation any Servant of the Lord has to be able to manage.

I really hate it when your own people join the demonstration. So I went to visit the artist and we had a conversation regarding future accommodations for his family. Like most artists, he was unstable and way too obsessed with Truth...whatever. Eventually he saw a way to produce a much more pleasing composition.

Visits are something the new guy has to be able to do.